you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
His nipple licking is glorious
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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