My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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