It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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