i may or may not be watching the land before time
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Barsexuality is the new black.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
