Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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