Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
