man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Found your dick twin last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
