Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
