Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
