My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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