That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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