You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
