I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
