forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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