does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
