How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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