she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
