seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
