I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
