She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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