And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
