Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
