i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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