The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
