I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
