Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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