Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
