Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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