i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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