This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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