i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
