is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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