omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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