I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
