I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
