covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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