"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
