I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
