Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love you.
Bad choice
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
