he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
