Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
