Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
