What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
did i just pee glitter
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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