its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
