Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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