I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
