Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
