You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
