The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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