when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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